


Wherein our heroes seek a MacGuffin in a magical dreamland

by kayliemalinza



Series: Rambleverse [56]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Gen, Kayliemalinza's Rambleverse, Multi, Pike's Reclaimed Captaincy (Rambleverse Timeline)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-08
Updated: 2011-04-08
Packaged: 2017-12-25 21:43:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/957915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kayliemalinza/pseuds/kayliemalinza
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a shameless self-indulgent IM log, as related to LJ user possibly_thrice. Her contributions are in parentheses.</p><p>Teaser: aight, so Capt. Pike and his able-bodied crew are on some planet<br/>not all of the crew, obv<br/>just an away team, which includes Cmdr Kirk and Lt. Uhura and maybe some other people we don't care about<br/>and um, magical doohickeys occur, alien shenanigans, etc. etc.<br/>the upshot is that the away team is rendered unconscious and is now moving through a communal dreamscape</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wherein our heroes seek a MacGuffin in a magical dreamland

aight, so Capt. Pike and his able-bodied crew are on some planet  
not all of the crew, obv  
just an away team, which includes Cmdr Kirk and Lt. Uhura and maybe some other people we don't care about  
and um, magical doohickeys occur, alien shenanigans, etc. etc.  
the upshot is that the away team is rendered unconscious and is now moving through a communal dreamscape  
it's yer standard craggy forest with assorted thorns and beasts  
and there's this MACGUFFIN  
it's very important  
they have to get it, but there's psychic red tape or sommat and none of the away team can actually go get this thing because the aliens have their bodies tethered or somesuch.  
Somehow they come up with the bright idea of summoning the consciousness of a person whose body *isn't* being held captive.  
Lt. Uhura's all like, "I will meditate, and then my psychic boyfriend will swoop down and save us all."  
and Jim's all like, "Nuh uh, I'm gonna call my mommy on the psychic telephone she gave me when I was seven and didn't want her to go offplanet."  
and Pike's like, "fuck this."  
and Elena Pike comes stomping through the bramble a few moments later.

Right, so there's Elena Pike, wearing a tatty sweater (which looks awfully familiar to Jim, and he swears that Pike wears a nearly identical one on his off-duty hours, although his sweater has a hole in the left elbow and Elena's has stain on the neckline)  
and some flimsy shorts  
and rly big woolen socks  
and she crosses her arms, stares them down, then looks at Pike and says, "if this is the dream where you turn into an alligator, just spare us all the trouble of the big sparkly transformation and just go jump in the lake already."  
And Chris says, "What the hell? I hate alligators. Why can't I turn into a Komodo dragon?"  
And Elena says, "I guess deep down, in my poor little scared subconscious, I know you're too much of a pansy to be a Komodo dragon."

so eventually Chris gets around to explaining the whole shared unconscious rigamarole and yadda yadda yadda go get me this mcguffin please I'll pay you back  
And Elena's like, "How the hell are you going to pay me back on the astral plane?"  
and Jim says, "He could buy you a coffee! Because, see, the astral plane, astral like stars, payment like with money, or dollars, or bucks, so Starbucks, and voila! Coffee."  
and Elena says, "Holy shit I'm not dreaming this. This is real. There is no way I would have said something that stupid, even in my sleep."

oh man I forgot a part  
so when she first shows up, she explains that no, she's totally dreaming, because the last thing she remembers she was in bed watching a school sportsgame on the sat feed  
and the school happens to be the fancy-pants academy that the Pikes and Uhura went to, and the sport happens to be the crazy-pants sport that Uhura was totes MVP for two years running  
so Uhura's like, "OMG who are they playing?" and Elena's like "[insert other school here] and we're up by 5x at the quarter, but [Coach] just swapped in [Player] on the back court." and Uhura's like "No way! [Player] can't handle the back court, not unless there's a good front man yadda yadda yadda  
shop talk  
all of the men are bored  
they just don't understand sports, see. too complicated.  
also Chris never played on the grown up team because Elena swore that she was doing Orchestra as her elective that year, and he had better not sign up for Orchestra, too.  
So of course he did, just to spite her  
and she laughed and laughed because she'd been signed up for the sport the whole time  
anyway that's all backstory  
p.s. Chris played the flute  
jsyk

right so anyway, Elena is finally convinced of the importance of the McGuffin  
and so she agrees to trek through the forest to get it  
the only problem is that she isn't wearing shoes, or pants  
and the undergrowth is basically one huge mat of thorns  
so she steals Chris' boots, no biggie  
but when it comes to the pants, she glances at his knee, and then his face, and he shakes his head  
'cause, see, 1) the Captain can't be the only one not wearing pants  
and 2) his leg... don't look so good  
Jim may or may not know the backstory by this point, but he has seen the injury from when Pike fell off his horse and was dragged for a while  
they had to completely reconstruct some of the bone and a lot of the muscle, and most of the skin was grown in a lab and grafted on, so it's hairless and the pigmentation might be off  
there's no hideous scarring, necessarily, but it's certainly not natural  
and Pike really doesn't want his crew to see that, for their own good

(so.... no pants for Elena)

nuuuuuuuu  
she crosses her arms, looks at Jim, and says totally deadpan, "Baby, take it off. I wanna see you so bad. Let me get in your pants."  
And Jim plops right down and shucks his trousers  
Pike: "That's sexual harassment."  
Elena: "As soon as we wake up from this crazy-ass spirit walk, I'm sure one of your charming yeomen can supply Commander Kirk with the appropriate complaint form. I'm a little rusty on Starfleet beauracracy, so tell me-- which department handles incidents pertaining to voodoo?"  
Pike: "That's beside the point. You can't manipulate my crew like that."  
Elena: "Oh come on, this is Kirk. I figured we had joint custody anyway, right?"  
Pike: "How the hell do you figure that?"  
Elena: (shrug) "I fed him once."  
Pike: doesn't buy it  
Elena: "Honestly, Chris, when it comes to bending bright young minds to your will, I taught you everything you know."  
Uhura's shocked at all the going's on. Jim's conjured up popcorn.  
or, at least his wishes he could

so anyway, now they have to handle more spirit logistics-- how to keep Elena connected to this realm and to them  
Getting Lost would be Bad  
that's where the sweater comes in  
Someone, maybe Jim? suggests unraveling the sweater as Elena goes through the forest, and Pike'll keep hold of the loose end back in the clearing  
Pike and Elena exchange this sort of devasted look. Pike says immediately, "It won't really unravel. it's just a dream."  
because, see, what Jim doesn't know is that those two sweaters were made by their mother before she died  
and maybe they have other clothes she made, but these are just, idk, special. They've had them for decades  
but right, it's just an astral plane, so after determining which way the stitches go, they snip the sweater at a convenient point and off Elena goes into the bramble

and there's a lot of waiting around.  
Jim observes that it's nice getting a breeze around his legs. He can see why Uhura likes the skirt uniform so much--he might start wearing it more often.  
Pike is pacing around in his socks, the yarn looped around his fingers.

finally, Elena comes back with the McGuffin. She's scratched all to hell, bleeding from a bad cut on her face, half of her hair's been hacked off, and she's all sweaty.  
Elena bursts out of the undergrowth and says, "You didn't tell me I'd have to fight BEARS."  
"There were bears?"  
Elena: "Alright, just one. A baby bear. Pretty cute, actually. I almost felt bad for kicking it in the head."  
Chris narrows his eyes. "What really happened?"  
Elena shakes her head. There's a silent battle of wills and finally she says, "Next time you swing by the ranch maybe I'll tell you. And I want that coffee."  
and then idk, her alarm clock goes off and she disappears

(and..... they get out?)

I assume so?

(good  
I'd hate to think that a macguffin  
could fail in its function)


End file.
